Down Memory Lane

I should really be writing about our Paris trip while it is still remembered amidst the crazy work days but today was a trip down memory lane that I don't want to miss. My mom was a working mom and so the weekdays were quite busy with the cooking in the morning (never understood why we spent so much time in the mornings in the kitchen when we have to get ready to go to work and school in India). I had to go to school and my parents had to go to work on saturdays (half a days) too. So sundays were our relaxing being together days. Sunday memories are still fondly thought of by me. I would typically wake up late in the morning and much to my dislike and my mom's liking, would take an "oil bath". While I did not like taking it, I liked the feeling afterwards. My mom usually prepared a big meal on sundays. We used to eat something light as breakfast and have a meal that was kind of like brunch but we just called it "eating late". One of the combinations that my mom used to make on sundays is mor kuzhambu (buttermilk stew) and paruppu usili (which I can't translate). I like this combination so much that my mom used to prepare it often and this is something I crave for frequently. So usually after this heavy meal, myself and my parents would be incapable of doing much. My dad would lie down with the latest kumudam (a weekly magazine) and fall asleep before finishing the first page (interestingly, I seem to do this now a days). My mom would go off to talk to the neighbor and I would go watch TV and fall asleep. We would all wake up one after the other around 3 pm or so and then my mom would make tea. The excuse for an early tea is that it helps with the digestion. And then we would go around doing our regular things to get ready for the following week.

What triggered these memories today (sunday) is the fact that I made cauliflower/broccoli mor kuzhambu and beans paruppu usili. My cooking can't be classified as authentic Indian but there are a few dishes that could be. These two are like that and fortunately, they came out very close to how my mom used to make. I don't do many things Indian these days but when it comes to mor kuzhambu and paruppu usili, I can't get any closer to being in India. So we had the same things for lunch and dinner today. I had to take a nap after that meal (just for old times' sake, you know?) but it was a short one as our dear Kutti had to sleep touching my legs and I can't sleep like that. Anyway, for a rainy gloomy sunday, mor kuzhambu and usili brought cheer and nostalgic memories.

Move and other things

I'm back from a short break ... well, sort of, as I'm not sure how frequently I'll be able to blog. Lots of things have happened in the past few months...the big move to Houston and becoming an American citizen. This post is partly about the former and the next post might be about the latter. Having come from a city as big as Chennai, we never wanted to stay in the small town in Oklahoma for very long. So we ended up staying there for only seven years! While it has its good qualities such as it would never take one to get anywhere more than 30 minutes and one never gets stuck in traffic, there wasn't that much to do even when one drives more than an hour. But this is where one makes lifelong friends and has wonderful barn parties. So after some time spent in rustic peace, it was time to pack the bags (the number of bags seem to keep increasing with each move, not sure if that is good or bad) and move to busier terrains. While the new place and experiences were exciting (Madras Pavilion in Houston was one big factor!), it was sad to leave a familiar place and good friends. There is something to be said about known surroundings.

Anyway, we drove to Houston (about a 10-hour drive) twice in two weeks and the second one was harder (on the dog than us). But we made it one piece (or three pieces to be precise) and got settled in our new house. I love our new house as it has lots of features I have always wanted and there are miles and miles of walking trails that one could (and has) get lost in. However, I was not prepared for the hectic week days. Now I have to wake up at 5 am (which means I have to be in bed by 10 pm to have a restful night's sleep and that means I have to miss Jon Stewart and that is just not fair) and still I don't get home till after 5 pm. There are several restaurants and stores nearby now but I either don't have the time or energy to go to them as often as I thought I would go. There is some activity of interest every weekend but we have become more choosy now as the weekend is only two days long and I need to catch up on my week's worth of sleep. But still it is all good. We go to work in a vanpool that is quite a fun group, where for some reason, I get teased quite a bit. I try to experiment different cuisines at restaurants and that means I don't have to cook quite as much. While I stil miss some things about the small town we lived in, this is the right p(l)ace and choice for us now. The winter weather is good and it will be quite hot in summer but that is not now.

There is a dog park (called bark park) nearby that we try to take Kutti to as often as we can. I think that we love it more than she does. The first few times, she was not sure what to do and so just stood there or loitered on her own. But the last time, she actually played with a couple of dogs. This dog park feels like heaven as you see dogs of all kinds and sizes running around and playing in the water. Some dogs absolutely go crazy here and don't want to leave at all. It has been fun to go there and hopefully will be for Kutti also pretty soon.

While part of my reason for not blogging is the move and busier days, the other part of it is my losing interest in blogs in general. It appears to me that lately the blog world is becoming more like the real world we live in, with all its infightings and character bashing. While it is to be expected as we are all only human, the escape from reality that blogs provide seem to be in peril. So I've been introspecting as to what use are blogs when they seem to be following the same path as the regular world. Why do I have to read about whose religion is better and whether one can post gruesome pictures on their blog or not in a blog when I can read that in the mainstream media? But I am going to write for at least some more time as it feels good to write and some (even though it is one or two) people seem to wonder when I don't write.

Alright, now on to some fun stuff. Next week, I am off to Paris (yes, the one in France, ooh la la!). I'll be there for about five days and am planning to soak in as much of Paris as possible. I've talked to our hotel folks once so far and I just love the way they talk. I am so looking forward to the trip and hope it lives up to my expectations (how about that?!). If anybody that reads this is in Paris, please do drop me a line, as I believe in local folks than any tour book (even if it is Rick Steves).

And then, in January, we have our big India trip. Three of our friends who have never seen India are venturing there with us and so it is upto us to show them the Incredible India. Not a small task and so I'm planning on spending December planning for it. Again, if anybody has any ideas, shoot me an email. By the way, we will be in Chennai mostly but are planning a few trips to some nearby places.

So in addition to the busy days at work, I am planning on these two trips, and I realize that I enjoy vacation planning. Maybe I should consider becoming a travel agent, huh?! Just writing about travel has made me cheer up and that is a good sign.

Chemistry Miss

Let us see if I can write this without getting too sappy. Teacher's Day in India is celebrated on September 5. This post is a tribute to one teacher who has made all the difference in my life. I studied from kindergarten till high school in the same school, and Chemistry Miss (that is what she is still called by me and my friends and family who know her or know about her) came to our school when I was in my sixth grade. As is usual, one of my class-mates was asking me on the first day of school which Miss I liked that year, and even though I did not know anything about Chemistry Miss, I pointed to her. Needless to say, my class-mate thought I was out of my mind.

I was a mediocre unmotivated student who passed her exams but did not do much more than that till my sixth standard. During my sixth standard, when we started studying three different subjects (Physics, Chemistry and Biology) instead of one (Science), I started learning from her. I still remember the first exam we had in our chemistry class. I got something like 50 or so out of 100, and when she handed the test back to me, she said that she does not understand why I don't apply myself more as I can do much better then. That was the first time I had heard something like this and it took me by surprise. It sounds cheesy now, but at that time, I thought that if Chemistry Miss thinks I can, then I sure can. That was motivation enough for me to start doing better. It started with chemistry but gradually made a difference in other subjects as well.

I used to try and invent reasons to go talk to her and gradually our friendship grew. If she ever gave me a special assignment, I would be on Cloud 9. I used to think that if I did not do well in an exam, she got upset, but that could just be my imagination. She was a very dedicated teacher who wanted all her students to excel, and so my thinking that she wanted more marks for me felt nice then, but could not be true. When we would go on trips in school (we went to such cool places as Kutralam, Aurangabad etc.), Chemistry Miss used to tell us stories about her native town and the movies she has seen (when she wouldn't talk about movies at school at all). On one of these trips she was telling me that she would like for me to study really well and achieve all that she couldn't achieve. I was not sure exactly what she meant but decided then that I wanted to excel in my education.

When we were in our 12th standard, she had some health problem and had to have surgery and take some time off. We got a substitute teacher for chemistry, but he was no good (how could anybody be on par with Chemistry Miss?). When she found out about it, she was concerned about our final exams (12th standard is a big deal, isn't it?!) and decided to tutor us from her house. She got into trouble with our school management for that, but she was still willing to take the risk for the sake of her students. So we would all drive our bicycles to her house and study chemistry when someone from her family would make snacks for us. I have never seen anybody do such things for their students.

I finished high school and went off to college to a different city but still kept in touch with her through letters, phone calls and visits when I came home. Then I moved to the US and still kept in touch with her for a few years. Then we lost touch due to some misunderstandings and other things in life. But still, I often remember what she has taught me (hard work, sincerity and humility in addition to chemistry) and how she has helped me get to where I am. I have thought about setting up a scholarship fund or something else in my school for her, but haven’t done it as I am not sure how she will like it. Maybe it will happen one of these days. Maybe I will get in touch with her again one of these days. But for now, I am just grateful for a person like her to have come in to my life and steering me in the right direction.

Grocery Shopping

Even though grocery shopping has become a mundane activity after several years, it has had its moments. My memories of grocery shopping start with the small stores (used to be called maLigai kadai, remember?) in our neighborhood in West Mambalam. There were two competing stores, Chitra Stores and Azhagu Sundaram Stores, just a few blocks from one another. Both these stores looked the same. One can't go inside the store and look at any of their products (which seems unbelievable now but was the norm those days), but will have to stand outside the partition and tell the store employee what one wants. And then, he would weigh the 1-kg of toor dal, using a manual weighing scale, and wrap it in one of the old newspaper sheets. You had no idea if what you got was really 1-kg (and sometimes you doubted that some stores were cheating), but you just pay for the stuff you bought at the gallaa (counter, which is where the owner sat and observed all the happenings), and carry the paper packet home. The other thing I remember about these stores is the smell, which was an amalgamation of a lot of the cooking ingredients. Although both the stores were very similar in price, products and service, my dad prefered Chitra stores as he was friends with the owner. So we always shopped there, and Mr. Azhagu Sundaram knew that. One day I went to Sundaram's as Chitra Stores had not opened yet, and he gave me a hard time about our family not shopping at his store. I even thought that he may send me away without giving me that one ingredient my mom wanted for her cooking, but he is a smart businessman and would never turn away business. Since my mom did not buy groceries ahead of time, she would realize in the midst of her cooking that we don't have enough salt, and so either me or my dad will have to get it right away. Most of the times it would be me and I liked it as I would get some tips (usually 5 or 10 paisa, but still) when I brought the change back. These were the days when I went to high school. Then I went off to Coimbatore (from Chennai) to do my bachelor's degree and so did not have to do grocery shopping there.

And then I came to the US and started living in an apartment with roommates and I had to do grocery shopping. None of my roommates (nor me) had a car in the small town of Kingsville, TX, that I lived in for about six months. So one of my roommates' friends would bring his car around on friday nights (dating was not a popular concept amongst us!) and we would all go to the nearby HEB to buy our groceries. Because of the tight budget and the friend's time, we would buy only the necessary things (we would need all the roommates' buy-in as we just divided the total amount into five) and a few unnecessary ones. One such unnecessary thing was the Baker's Dozen doughnuts (HEB gives you 13!) and we always get that. Grocery shopping was just a weekly event then as none of us were very close and we did not have much money to spend.

Then I moved to Louisville, KY where I didn't have a car but got better friends. Soon after I went to Louisville, one of my department colleagues offered to take me shopping to get some household stuff. He comes driving in this boat sized car that impressed me a lot. When I got in the car, he asked me what all I needed to get. That was all I needed to bring out my list. He wasn't thrilled that my shopping list was so long but still didn't say anything but took me along. That was my lesson to let people know in advance what I wanted from them, be it time or something else.

Once I made some friends, once-a-week grocery shopping became a social event. We would all meet at one person's house and have dinner and then go to the neighboring state of Indiana as there was a store called Bigg's there, that we liked. Again, this happened mostly during friday evenings, even though some of us (ahem ahem) had started dating by then. I used to like these times as it was a good way of bonding and exchanging ideas about cooking and groceries and other things.

Tom Petty reminds me of another grocery shopping adventure. One of our friends drove two of us to Bigg's (where else) one evening and we got delayed for some reason. So we got our groceries and then got pizza and Killian's Irish Red and came to my place. We played Tom Petty and had dinner and just talked about stuff. It was nothing special but still lingers in my heart, for some reason.

And then, of course, there were times when I could not find anybody to give me a ride and so walked to the nearby Kroger. At these times, I buy only necessary things but since milk is one necessity, it was hard and heavy while coming back. But this didn't happen very often.

Now of course, I have a car and can buy groceries anytime anywhere, without having to worry about whom should I ask this time or how heavy the bags will be. But I still fondly remember those days when grocery shopping was a social event.

Yin Yang of House-hunting (and Life)

We will get to the part about house-hunting in a short while (or long while depending on where this wandering mind of mine goes). But first of all, I want to know what it is with dogs (or at least our dog, Kutti) and thunder. We had a bit of strong thunderstorms this afternoon and she was so scared that she was trembling the whole time. She wanted to cuddle so much that it was very touching but then even though I like our dog and cuddling, there is only so long I can do that, right? Anyway, I went and searched for dogs and thunder and found that the best way to "desensitize" a dog to thunder (or fireworks) is to record the sound and play it repeatedly (starting at a low volume, mind you) over a period of several days. Now that is one advice that I am not going to follow as there is only so long I can cuddle with Kutti. The storms passed and it cleared up some and so we went for a walk. Everything looks cleaner and greener after rain (I just love it) and I even got to see a rainbow.

One more thing before we get to the house-hunting part (only one more, I promise). I am glad that Blogger has introduced labels but then I am also not happy about it. Here's why. I labeled my posts today and realized that I don't (can't) have one for Books. I used to be an avid reader of books (mostly fiction) but that is in the past now. There are several reasons (read excuses) for my not reading books anymore but I am still disappointed. A little less TV and blog-reading might steer me towards books but I am not sure when that will happen. But till then, my goal would be to post enough to create a label called Books.

Ok, now we come to the house-hunting part. We went house-hunting (they don't call it hunting for no reason) two weeks ago, as we are moving to Houston, Texas in September. When we woke up one hot and muggy monday morning, our mission was to find a house in the next four days. That seemed daunting and possible depending on the time of day. We were prepared to do that as we had done extensive searches on the internet and created several lists (what else would two engineers do?!). So we go look at about five houses that monday morning, with our realtor. We didn't like any of them. Needless to say, we were quite upset. We discussed strategies and alternatives till it was time to go look at more houses.

By the end of the first day, our realtor had a better understanding of what we liked and didn't like. So the rest of the hunting was better. We drove by some houses on our list to find that we couldn't live in that neighborhood or the color was a turn-off and that made the house hopping a bit easy. We saw about 20 houses in two days, but then depending on whether it was before or after lunch, I remember different things about them. When we went to look at houses after lunch, I had a hard time leaving the bedroom as my inclination was to take a nap. But luckily, my more rational half took notes on all the houses we saw (hey, I took some too).

On the third day, we decided that we can't keep up with 10 houses a day. But by then, we had a good idea of what we wanted and what we can get (sometimes, that helps). We cherry picked a few more houses to see. Finally, we had two houses that we really liked. Unfortunately, we didn't get our first pick. Fortunately, we got our second pick. But the whole process was exciting and frustrating at different times (just like life). So now all that is left is to move there and start the next chapter in our lives.

Simple Pleasures

It is important in life to be able to appreciate the simple pleasures. After all, the big ones like winning the lottery (I keep wishing!) or getting married only happen rarely. But the simple pleasures are all around us, if we only pay attention and take things easy. One such simple pleasure in life for almost everybody (I have not seen an exception to this yet) is ice cream. And especially mango ice cream (ooh la la!). Sorry to disappoint anybody who was expecting something more profound (go have an ice cream and you will forget the disappointment).


A few weeks ago, I was at a restaurant where they had a buffet that included mango ice cream. I was sitting facing the buffet table (of course) and so soon after we sat down, I noticed that people kept crowding near the mango ice cream. I am trying not to eat much sweets and so I was hesitant to go near the ice cream, but tried a spoonful and realized why the ice cream was so popular.

I got ready to get my own share of the heavenly delight (the first spoon was just a taste) but unfortunately they were out of cups. And there was only one piece of it left (the ice cream was on a big baking tray). Here I am waiting anxiously for the cup (a cup, actually) but lo and behold, someone else comes with a cup (definitely seconds) and scoops off the ice cream. My heart sinks (just like there are a lot of small pleasures, there are a lot of small disappointments as well).

So now I wait patiently for the new tray and so do several others. Aah, here comes another tray fully laden with frozen ice cream. Someone else got to it before I did and so I was the second person to take a stab (literally, as it was quite frozen and hence hard) at it. I kept stabbing it till I got some and left wanting more but too lazy to stab any longer.

And then things got (more) interesting. Everybody who came to get ice cream seemed to have their own technique in getting the frozen delight off the tray into their cup. Some would try to dig it while others would try to stab from the sides. In the meantime, the scoop fell on the floor (due to the heavy hitting perhaps) and was not replaced promptly. During that time, it was saddening to see everybody's faces that came to get their share, only to find that they can't have something that is so close. The best part was when one guy tried to get this frozen mass by breaking it with a papad. It was hilarious to watch as the papad kept breaking and falling on the ice cream but he kept at it, till he realized that it is a lost cause and people might be looking. The scoop was replaced and the invasion of the ice cream snatchers started again.

During all this, I had finished off what was in my cup and was contemplating if I should go for it again. But feeling guilty enough for eating a lot at the buffet, I decided not to. I was also giving a running commentary of the gala show by the ice cream tray to the ones at my table who had their back to the buffet and they were roaring with laughter. So we decided to leave before getting kicked out.

Moral of the story is to get your ice cream first!

One Year with Kutti

Today is the completion of one year since we brought Kutti home. So, today is her birthday as far as we are concerned. It is hard to imagine life without her now. Just like with a human being, I have developed a pattern with her. When I come to the living room in the morning, she knows that it is time to go out and she will wait by the door. When I am ready to leave for work, she would wait by the door for her treat. Once she gets the treat, she will move away from the door so that I can close it. Then she will wait by the fence to make sure I am really leaving and then she goes about her business.

She is bilingual too. She will come (most of the times) when I say "come" in English and “inga vaa” in Tamil – how amazing is that?! She knows that she is in trouble when I raise my voice and will just go into her most vulnerable position as a way of apologizing. It is just so touching that I forget what I was upset with her for.

The latest accomplishment with Kutti is walking her (in parks) without a leash. It is interesting that when she is on a leash she will try to pull but when she is not on a leash, she will just walk a few feet from us and then either wait for us or move on after making sure we are coming. I have come a long way with Kutti in this one year, and it has been a wonderful experience. In the first few days after coming to our place; she tried to run when we had the front door open for just a minute. Now, she just roams around the front yard when we are doing yard work or washing the car. There are still a few lapses when she sees that daring rabbit or squirrel, but our home is her home now.

Here is one photo of Kutti by herself and another one of her playing with one of our friend's dogs.

Eating Healthy

Just like a lot of people, I would like to lose a few pounds and get in shape. But this is one of the hardest things to do. If not, why would there be a zillion commercials and products related to weight loss. The thing that I find very interesting in these weight loss commercials are the before and after pictures. The before picture is of someone very fat (of course) and sad whereas the after picture is of someone extremely attractive and joyful. These before and after pictures crack me up whenever I see them.

I am trying to "eat healthy" these days by watching what I eat. While I was trying to pick a way to lose weight, I read about the different diets. Atkins was out of the question as it does not allow carbohydrates. How can I survive with no rice and bread? Finally it dawned on me that it is the calories that I should watch for. So now I try to limit the number of calories and especially the ones from fat, to keep it simple. Of course, then they say there are some good fats and some bad fats and that one should eat less fat but still eat good fat. And that makes the whole thing very confusing. Of course, I give in once in a while. How can one resist when they bring the dessert tray to your table after the entree? But so far, it seems to be working somewhat - could be better but could be worse as well!

Of course, when I go to India, all bets are off. The justification is that the next chance will be a year or two away and so I have to eat all of my favorites. Here is how a typical day goes in India. Wake up and have coffee and some breakfast. Then we go shopping and the first place we see is a fast food place and so we have to try out that latest snack they have. We do that and then go to a store that we planned on going and then we stop by a juice shop to drink something. Then we go to a couple of other stores and then stop by a restaurant (mostly Saravana Bhavan) for lunch. Then we go to a few more stores and then stop by another restaurant for a light snack and to pick up something for the ones at home. Then we head home. There we have tea and some more snacks. Then it is time for dinner, which may sometimes be preceded by a snack as well. After dinner, we eat some fruits before going to bed. Yes, there is some exaggeration involved here, but you get the idea. Inspite of all this, I do not gain weight in India as there is a lot of walking involved, I think.

I noticed several health conscious efforts going on in India as well. But the Ananda Bhavans and Hot Chips don't help them in anyway. But that is where all the good things are! So Enjoy, but in moderation.

Things I can Learn from Kutti

For those who don't know, Kutti is our pet dog. Here she is (can't miss an opportunity to show her, can I?).

I keep thinking that there is a lot to be learnt from her. If I could, I would write a book called "All I Really Need to Learn, I Learnt from Kutti". But since that is a tall task, here are some things that I think are impressive. Now, if only I could actually apply them!

1. Always express love: She always shows her affection towards me, either by wagging her tail (sometimes really really fast), or by licking my face or by just collapsing when I pet her.

2. Be ready to play: No matter what time of the day (or night) it is, she will be ready to play (mostly fetch). This seems like an excellent way to keep oneself active and healthy. Sometimes, for no particular reason (that I can think of), she would run and run around the yard and that gives her the much needed aerobic exercise.

3. Live in the present: She has no memory of what happened just a few minutes ago but is always living at that moment. Of course, she remembers some big things. One time, we scolded her for jumping on us while eating pasta (it is hard enough as it is!) and so from then on, she knows not to do that while we are eating. But then, everytime the vacuum cleaner or blender goes on, she just goes crazy and starts chasing her own tail.

4. Never hold a grudge: This is an extension of the previous one. Even if we leave her alone for 12 hours (it does not matter whether it is 2 or 12 hours), she would be waiting by the door when we get in the house, and express the same kind of welcome.

5. Show happiness: We tend to not express our happiness sometimes, but she will always show it by wagging her tail (is the speed of tail wagging directly proportional to the happiness level, the engineer in me can't help wondering?!).

Of course, there are a few things like not to lick and sniff everything that she can learn from me, but I don't think she would. I think we would all be better off if we learnt some things from dogs. And I truly hope there are dogs in heaven, if there is one.

Life is Good....Still

Seems like there is bad news everywhere these days. The only good piece of news that I have heard in the last month or so is that of the eight co-workers who won the $365 million powerball. Good for them. I feel happy for them, even though I wouldn't mind being the ninth member in the group :-)

But all the other stuff around us in the world seems not so good. There is the guy Entwistle who has allegedly killed his wife and nine month old baby, which if true is abominable. And then there is the U.S. VP shooting a co-hunter by mistake; come on, give me a break. And of course, there is the ongoing killing and rampage in Iraq, where they say a civil war could start anytime. Then there are the cartoon protests and killings, the DUI-ed coach who wouldn't resign, the doping athletes at the Torino Olympics, so on and so forth. For its part, in India, there is the omnipresent moral police who want to take us back to the 18th century. Then there is the big hoopla about an article on celebrity pets. And some serious issues such as killing infant girls and dowry related deaths.

I have had enough of the bad news, and so I don't even want to watch or read the news anymore. Sometimes, it can get hard to maintain a positive outlook when all one hears is bad things. What do I do then? I go deeper into my own little world where there are only good company, good coffee, good books (not magazines though) and good blogs. It helps to do things that don't involve lot of thinking - like walking the dog, watching sitcoms on TV, listening to music (sappy romantic songs would help a lot), and cooking some good spicy Indian food. These are the times when good friends and close family members seem invaluable.

In spite of all the bad news around us, we need to remember that life is good, as there are still small wonders all around us, if we take the time to pay attention. It is easy to get bogged down with work, everyday chores and the bad-news-hungry media. But then there is that occasional phone call or email from a long lost friend. There is the letter I can write to another long lost friend. There is the weekday get-together with friends like I had last night. There are those times when I laugh so hard (at something that is really not that funny) that I have tears in my eyes and my stomach hurts, but I can't stop.

So, life is good....still, in spite of everything. What good does it do us or others if we are miserable, in addition to all the bad stuff around?

On a different note, check out this very thought provoking post by Amit Varma, Do not draw my unicorn.

But You Talk Like a Man

It happened again yesterday and so I want to vent here this time. I want to go on top of a building and shout that I am not a man. But that will only make it worse for me. Keep reading and you will understand what I am talking about.

I know that my voice is not as sweet as Norah Jones or S. Janaki or Lata Mangeshkar, but if it were, I would be a professional singer, right? But still, it is a little too much when people assume that I am a man (especially since I am not one), just because I sound like one on the phone. Yeah yeah, I realize it is not their fault for thinking that way, but look at it from my perspective. People in USA can't figure out from my name whether I am a man or woman. And my name is used for both men and women in India and so that doesn't help either.

This has been happening for quite sometime over the years now. The first few times, I made the effort to correct them, only to wonder who is the more embarrassed party - me or the person (I am not going to run the risk of assuming it is a man or woman) on the other end. And then, I stopped telling them, as long as it is an one time conversation and/or we won't be meeting face to face. A few times, even someone I know, would think it is my husband when I pick up the phone (oh boy!) and then I have to tell them it is me, which will be followed by profuse apologies. Most of the time I am able to laugh it off but there are a few instances like the one below that makes me mad.

I called my brokerage service one time to place an order (as their online service was not working that day) and the representative I talked to said that according to my account I am a female but that I don't sound like one. So he (yeah, I am pretty sure about it) thought that I was trying to impersonate (myself?) and would not let me place the order. Needless to say, I was upset about it and told him that it is not my fault that I sound like this and that he can ask me all the security questions they have. He asked me a few of those and I answered them correctly but still he said that once they get suspicious, they can't let any activity in the account till I fax them a copy of my driver's license. I was furious at this partly due to the confusion because of my voice and partly because I could not place the order (after all it is my money) and wanted to talk to his supervisor. The supervisor assured me that they take all these precautions for the safety of their custormers' money and tried to convince me that it is all for some good. Then I had no choice but to accept their decision and fax my driver's licence. But still the whole episode left a bad taste in my mouth (about my voice?!).

This happened again yesterday. I was talking to someone on the phone and they referred to me as a guy. At that point, I had to point out that I was not (only because I may meet them one day). And the response I got was, "but you talk like a man". I had no way of responding to that. But then, I got to thinking that we all tend to identify patterns in things and people as it makes it easy to comprehend and remember. Taking it too far makes us stereotype. Although I try not to stereotype, I still can't avoid it all the time.

So there is a pattern in people's minds about voices and since mine is not shrill enough, they think I am a man. Some other common assumptions are that a man should earn more than a woman and that a man should be older than a woman, in a relationship. When there is an aberration to the pattern, some of us can understand and accept it easily. Some of us can't understand it but will still accept it. Some diehards will have nothing to do with those people (these are the scary ones).

This takes me down memory lane to when I was growing up in India. I liked to sing along with the songs on the radio but was always told not to as it was not a womanly thing to do. Once I was even told that I needed to change the way I walk to look more feminine. Needless to say, I abided by those at that time (at least tried), as I did not know better or have the nerve to talk back. When I wanted to go to a different city to do my engineering degree, one of my relatives asked my parents why a girl needs an engineering degree. The other thing in India is it is ok for guys to smoke but not for girls (at least that is how it was when I was growing up). I think that smoking is harmful, period. But how is it that the society accepts men who smoke but not women? Based on these examples, do not think that I was oppressed in India. Regardless of what people will say, I still had the freedom to choose. The point I am trying to make is that the scales are not balanced right when it comes to women and men.

All I can say is that I am not assuming someone is a guy or a gal based on how they sound, after all this. Will you?

The Clock Story

During my recent trip back home to India, I got a digital clock for my parents that had LED display on it, to help them see the time at night easily. My parents thought it was a great gift and my dad went and got a converter for the power right away. When my dad was at the store buying it, apparently the store guy told my dad that American clocks will show a different time and will not work in India. We were laughing about it all the way through setting up the clock.

After much discussion on where the best place for the clock was, we set it up. Everything was fine for the first five minutes. After that, the clock started slowing down (or at least we started noticing it after that). We kept checking it every so often, and the clock just kept losing more time with time. My parents could not believe that an American clock was not working properly. So they kept checking the time aganist Sun News and Jaya News as they are polar opposites. Still the clock was losing time. After about ten hours, our great clock was four hours behind. Go figure!

Based on somebody's idea that there was a 30-minute difference between American and Indian time (whatever that means) and that there was only one store that could adjust for that in Chennai, my dad made a trip all the way to Mount Road to take the clock to the best clock store in town (did you know that it is P.Orr & Sons?). The guy at that store said that we had to have a battery installed and that would take care of this problem (even though the manual says that the battery is only needed for power backup). So my dad purchased that battery in a store next to P.Orr & Sons (apparently this battery is not available everywhere). My dad was short by fifty rupees but the battery guy was trusting enough to let him bring it later.

So, we installed and "charged" the battery and then set the time and started watching it again. It came to a point when I thought that my dad was going to start recording the time like in a lab experiment. Still the clock was losing time like before (if not more!). My mom would keep unplugging the clock as it was showing the wrong time and interrupting my dad's experiment. Meanwhile, the battery guy would call us up asking for his fifty rupees; and my parents would tell him that the battery he gave us is not working properly. At this point, I was ready to give up on this clock and get them a different one in India. But they did not want to give up and so upon my mom's instruction, myself and my dad made our follow up trip to the best clock store in town (we both had to go to get the story right).

The guy who had told my dad to get that battery was nowhere to be seen. So we went to a different guy and he wouldn't even look at this clock as he thinks all digital clocks from America don't work. The service was so poor that I did not even want to stay there. So I told my dad that we can get another clock and we went to the battery store to pay up the fifty rupees. What I really wanted to do was return the battery but it seems that you can't return it once you have opened it. After having been used to returning anything that you don't want in US, this was a little hard to get used to. We went to the battery store around 11.30 am and the store was closed. My dad went to the next store to ask about this store and they didn't know anything about it. My dad (against my wishes) asked the other store if he can give them the fifty rupees and they can give it to the battery store and they said that they don't talk to the battery store people. So we left that store. The highlight of this trip was the sugarcane juice we both drank before coming back home and the quality father-daughter time we spent together.

By this time, I was blaming myself for bringing this clock as my parents were feeling sorry that they are not able to use the gift I got for them. But anyway, we went on a search for a similar clock, and apparently LED clocks are rare to find in India. But finally, we found a store with a few different kinds of digital clocks. One was with seconds and the other one was without. I thought we should get the one without the seconds but my mom wanted me to call my dad. So I called and asked him and he immediately said we should get the one with the seconds. I asked him why and he said that is how we will know immediately when it stops working. I did not have any response to this and so we got the one with the seconds. We set it up and it works fine and most importantly, doesn't lose time.

I told my parents that I will return the clock after I get back to US but that I will set it up and check once before that. So here I come back and set the clock up and lo and behold, the clock works fine. That was not what I had expected. I was speechless after all the things I had to go through with this stupid clock. The theory is that it had something to do with the converter (by someone who knows more about electronics than I do, as that did not occur to me at all) and I guess that could be.

We decided not to return the clock and keep it in our home in US, as now we have a history with this clock. I told my parents that the clock works here and they didn't seem as surprised as I expected them to be, but my dad wanted me to spank it for not working there. But they seem to like the other one though.

The moral of this story (at least for me) is not to buy electronic stuff from the US to India. For one it is very difficult to find a place to repair it and the other thing is that there are lots of affordable electronic stuff in India now. They are all made in China, right?

Regardless, this clock turned out to be one of the funniest episodes during my trip and is still making for interesting and laughable conversations. I only wish this was a fictional story, but sometimes, life is more interesting than fiction. Hope all your clocks show the right time!

Going Home

I went back to Chennai (aka Madras), India end of last year to visit family. Going back home is always a very introspective period for me. I have lived away from home for the last fifteen years and away from India for the last eleven. So there are a lot of mixed emotions about going home, but the strongest one is of anticipation - of the changes since the last time I visited and the similarities to the way I remember things (note that my memory is not that great!).

Check out this website at www.ilovechennai.com for some pictures and details on my hometown.

I tried to make the most of the long flight trip by eating, drinking, sleeping and watching movies. It was interesting to sleep through the movies and watch them intermittently, but that is no different from what I do at home. My flight reached Chennai around 1 am and the first thing that caught my attention was the bad smell in the air. Even though I could not believe that an international airport couldn't be better, I reminded myself that I should not be judgmental and moved on. I had checked in two suitcases and it took more than an hour for my second suitcase to show up. Since they don't let visitors inside, there was no way for me to let my family know that I was there till I got all my suitcases and came out. And then I had to walk through scores of people before I identified my family, and went home with them.

I did not have too much of a jetlag and was fine with just a few hours of sleep the first night. It always takes me a few days to get used to the people and things there. So I decided to keep mostly to myself and my immediate family for the first few days. I was surprised to see a lot of coverage on US related items in newspapers like Hindu and tamil magazines like Vikatan and Kumudham. It was disappointing to see the amount of coverage movie actors and actresses get in the tamil magazines. My memory tells me that there were more stories and articles by authors (and not by movie celebrities) that were more interesting. I can't believe that people are interested in Vijay's new car, but maybe they are. But those magazines were page turners for me.

When I watched TV, it was mostly Sun Music. It was interesting to see DJs (or comperes, like my mom likes to call them) talk in a mix of tamil and english and trying very hard to be cool. But I enjoyed watching Sun Music as I am a sucker for tamil movie songs - both new and old. My dad was even asking me if I could get Sun Music in the US and watch it. The only thing that I did not care for was the abundance of SMS messages people send during some shows - most of them were droll but some of them were vulgar. It was funny to see the DJ telling most of the callers to turn down the TV volume, not see the TV, but just talk on the phone. In spite of that, the callers kept saying "hello hello" a lot. In a moment of weakness, even I called Sun Music as my mom dared me to, but hung up when they put me on hold.

I did not watch any news on TV as the channels are owned mainly by politicians. The overlap between the media and politics in India is just too much. Movie stars move on to politics and then the political parties run the TV stations - since it is all in the open, there is not even an expectation of unbiased news. Everybody was talking about the Kushboo story but then when I asked them what she said, they didn't know or were not sure.

There is a lot of western influence in Chennai - malls, megamalls, mega movie theaters, pizzas, fast foods and so on. But the thing is that all of these have been changed to suit the people there. I think it is a good thing as it adds variety to life. There are a lot of restaurants in Chennai now and one can even taste different cuisines. In spite of that, due to my dad's loyalty to Saravana Bhavan, we ate there mostly. In fact, the first week I was in Chennai, we ate at three different HSBs (Hotel Saravana Bhavan).

I bought a whole lot of churidhars and nighties and was very impressed with the colors and designs. I think Chennai Silks rocks. There are cell phones everywhere. I used to think that people in the US use a lot of cell phones, but looks like the people in India use them more. There are several ring tones and everybody seems to be on the cell phones all the time. But it makes sense to have one when you are in such a big city.

I had a wonderful three weeks savoring all that is Chennai - the sounds, the smells and the sights. And came back to my other home just before Christmas. Once I got here, I realized how different and interesting Chennai is. US seemed very quiet and grim after the always bustling city of Chennai. I think that I will always be a Madrasi (Chennaiite just doesn't have the same ring to it) at heart, no matter how long I have been away. I love Chennai, after all!

From Asia to America

I think everybody should go live in a different country for some period in their lifetime. It will give them a new perspective on a lot of things. I was originally born in Madras (now known as Chennai) in India and lived there for 17 years. Then I moved to a smaller city called Coimbatore in the same state for college and lived there for 4 years. After that, I moved to the US in 1994 and have lived in the US since then.

I have always liked the US since I moved here (that is why I am still here, right?), but it took a lot of adjustments. Contrary to what lot of Americans think, it is not that big a deal to go live in a different country (if it is, would so many people do that?). There is a saying in Tamil that goes something like the whole world is your place and everybody is your friend. I try to live by that motto. My first flight was my trip from Madras, India to Kingsville, Texas. I had to clear the customs in Dallas and had to change terminals there to catch the domestic flight - I thought it was a little too much to have trains inside the airports to go from one terminal to another (I still think so but at least I am used to it).

My flights were delayed and I was fairly sure that I am going to get lost as nobody will be there when my flight finally gets to Corpus Christi. But somehow the airlines had notified the people who were going to pick me up and they were there. My first stop in the US was a 7/11 where we stopped to get a drink. I got a big cup of Coca Cola and having used to drinking a little bit of it out of a bottle in India, I thought this was heaven.

I came to this country with $2300 and no real source of income, and with the plan of going back home after two years. Thinking back, it seems like a pretty crazy thing to do. But luckily, I got an assistantship to University of Louisville and transferred there after one semester in Kingsville. Since then, things have worked out for the best. Surely, this is the land of golden opportunities, where somebody can come up very well from nothing.

Initially, there were lot of culture shocks. In India, adults don't kiss in public (at least, not when I lived there) - so that was a big deal and I could not help stare (no, I don't do that now!). Eating meat and drinking was prohibited in my society but here people do that so casually. That made me wonder what is right and what is wrong. Is that all purely geographical? If so, then why bother?

Language is another thing. I had to really really concentrate to understand American people talking, and they had to do the same with me (they thought I talked too fast). But now it has got easier, but still I have my moments.

The best thing I like about the US is the presence of various cultures. I have made good friends with people from Germany, Sweden, El Salvador, Japan and of course, different places in the US. I also like the personal freedom in this country a lot although lately it seems to be getting curtailed.

Most of the times it feels like I have two homes and that feels good. However there are some times when I feel like an outsider in both the countries and that feels like limbo. I am planning on visiting India next week and that will be very interesting as I think India is changing (and looking more like the US) a lot everytime I visit (but writing about India is for later).

Last but not least, I want to thank my parents for letting me go to the US against all odds and my uncle for helping me at the right time against everybody's better judgment. I also want to thank the innumerable folks in the US that have made me feel right at home. Here's to the Land of Opportunities!

Nithya

Kutti (The Little One)

I have never had a pet before and so I was very hesitant about getting one seven months ago. But once I finally got myself to do it, we came home from the Humane Society with a Labrador Retriever - Jack Russel mix. We named her (after much deliberation) Kutti (which means "little one" in Tamil). And without further ado, I present Kutti to you.

The first few days were very different as I was not used to such an energetic creature in the house. She likes to bite everything - she even bites her own bed. A few days after we got her, she ran out the door to chase a squirrel and we had to run after her and bring her back. But in those few minutes, I realized how much I like her. The thought of losing her was so overwhelming that it changed my perception of dogs.

Dogs are amazing creatures. How can a dog be so satisfied with just a belly rub? There is a spot next to Kutti's ears that if we rub for a few minutes, she seems hyptonized. How can she get so excited to see us that she has to jump up and down, even though we were there with her two hours ago? There is a lot human beings can learn from dogs. Kutti does not hold a grudge. If I had scolded just a minute ago for not letting me type, she forgets that, and comes and interrupts me once again. Loyalty is another thing that we could learn from dogs.

Kutti seems to like all kinds of food - even spicy Indian food. She likes buttermilk rice with very spicy pickle - so she fits right in our household. I speak to her both in english and tamil - so we have a bilingual dog now! As I am driving back from work, I think of what she has been doing all day (I have no idea what she does while we are not there) and about playing with her. Every day when I leave, she comes standing by the gate to say goodbye. Yesterday, I forgot to wave her goodbye and so came back to do that, but she was not around (must be busy looking for a squirrel).

Our neighbors have two chihuahas and Kutti likes to race with them all the time (it is so fun to watch all three dogs go back and forth by the fence). There is another dog across the street that gets so mad that he can't participate. Someone said that when dogs bark they are actually talking to one another. I thought that if that is the case, they are saying the same thing again and again (isn't that funny?!).

I could go on and on about Kutti but I will stop here now. But I can assure you that there will be more entries about her. Also, she will not be the last dog we have. I am already thinking of having about 10 dogs when I retire. Many thanks to the person who brought Kutti into my life.

Nithya