But You Talk Like a Man

It happened again yesterday and so I want to vent here this time. I want to go on top of a building and shout that I am not a man. But that will only make it worse for me. Keep reading and you will understand what I am talking about.

I know that my voice is not as sweet as Norah Jones or S. Janaki or Lata Mangeshkar, but if it were, I would be a professional singer, right? But still, it is a little too much when people assume that I am a man (especially since I am not one), just because I sound like one on the phone. Yeah yeah, I realize it is not their fault for thinking that way, but look at it from my perspective. People in USA can't figure out from my name whether I am a man or woman. And my name is used for both men and women in India and so that doesn't help either.

This has been happening for quite sometime over the years now. The first few times, I made the effort to correct them, only to wonder who is the more embarrassed party - me or the person (I am not going to run the risk of assuming it is a man or woman) on the other end. And then, I stopped telling them, as long as it is an one time conversation and/or we won't be meeting face to face. A few times, even someone I know, would think it is my husband when I pick up the phone (oh boy!) and then I have to tell them it is me, which will be followed by profuse apologies. Most of the time I am able to laugh it off but there are a few instances like the one below that makes me mad.

I called my brokerage service one time to place an order (as their online service was not working that day) and the representative I talked to said that according to my account I am a female but that I don't sound like one. So he (yeah, I am pretty sure about it) thought that I was trying to impersonate (myself?) and would not let me place the order. Needless to say, I was upset about it and told him that it is not my fault that I sound like this and that he can ask me all the security questions they have. He asked me a few of those and I answered them correctly but still he said that once they get suspicious, they can't let any activity in the account till I fax them a copy of my driver's license. I was furious at this partly due to the confusion because of my voice and partly because I could not place the order (after all it is my money) and wanted to talk to his supervisor. The supervisor assured me that they take all these precautions for the safety of their custormers' money and tried to convince me that it is all for some good. Then I had no choice but to accept their decision and fax my driver's licence. But still the whole episode left a bad taste in my mouth (about my voice?!).

This happened again yesterday. I was talking to someone on the phone and they referred to me as a guy. At that point, I had to point out that I was not (only because I may meet them one day). And the response I got was, "but you talk like a man". I had no way of responding to that. But then, I got to thinking that we all tend to identify patterns in things and people as it makes it easy to comprehend and remember. Taking it too far makes us stereotype. Although I try not to stereotype, I still can't avoid it all the time.

So there is a pattern in people's minds about voices and since mine is not shrill enough, they think I am a man. Some other common assumptions are that a man should earn more than a woman and that a man should be older than a woman, in a relationship. When there is an aberration to the pattern, some of us can understand and accept it easily. Some of us can't understand it but will still accept it. Some diehards will have nothing to do with those people (these are the scary ones).

This takes me down memory lane to when I was growing up in India. I liked to sing along with the songs on the radio but was always told not to as it was not a womanly thing to do. Once I was even told that I needed to change the way I walk to look more feminine. Needless to say, I abided by those at that time (at least tried), as I did not know better or have the nerve to talk back. When I wanted to go to a different city to do my engineering degree, one of my relatives asked my parents why a girl needs an engineering degree. The other thing in India is it is ok for guys to smoke but not for girls (at least that is how it was when I was growing up). I think that smoking is harmful, period. But how is it that the society accepts men who smoke but not women? Based on these examples, do not think that I was oppressed in India. Regardless of what people will say, I still had the freedom to choose. The point I am trying to make is that the scales are not balanced right when it comes to women and men.

All I can say is that I am not assuming someone is a guy or a gal based on how they sound, after all this. Will you?